Am I Paranoid, or Is This As Fishy As This Feels?

I am at the airport, waiting to board on the way home. I got up early because I wanted to ensure a timely cab and make sure my chronic lateness for everything doesn't effect me today. Everything I read tells me people should arrive two hours early for their flight, so I called my cab around 7:45, which was very timely, he got me to the airport in record time by going on back roads- I was here by 8:10. I went to check in and the guy's like "you look tired", and I told him I'm never up this early/haven't eaten yet, and he said that the only good food is outside security, looking at my watch, I determine I have enough time, and have Popeye's Chicken pancakes.

I went through security- no line. I'm pretty sure in the 20 minutes that I ate, nobody went through the gate A security. And I can see why: I got here, and it's deserted. The staff, everyone, keeps coming over and talking to me, like they've never seen a passenger before and I'm some sort of exotic creature, but my ticket and my online flight status say this gate, and I guess Sundays down here people expect you to be at church?

I'm trying not to be bitter, and I am usually a very friendly person, but when I travel alone, I kind of like being left alone. Company is nice, but if I don't know people, I generally don't like it when they just ask me questions.

I'll write more later, but know I've never seen an airport this deserted yet friendly.

<3May

I know I know I know I know...

It's been over a week, which is something I promised myself I wouldn't do with this blog, but hey- it's been a lot of transitions.

I am finally settled in my new room, which is in the residential college (definitely more comfortable). My roommate is nice and our lifestyles fit together as far as roommate matching goes. I am starting to lax a bit on the cleaning front (and the sleeping front?) but it's all good. I am even thinking about taking a math class next semester! It would be a bit of a stretch, because I'd have to go from Calc II since I got credit for the Calc I class I took at FSC (which didn't even cover up to my friend's midterm at Tulane's calc I...), but I have a couple of math professors in the family and a close friend taking consolidated calc, so I'll be able to nail it over xmas.

Time is flying! In a month, it'll be finals season. Scary! I'll feel so much better once this semester is under my belt and I can start being an academic porn star again. I am starting to eat, breathe, and sleep like an "intellectual" again, I'm getting back to the woman I was before my personal hiatus of myself.

I feel more and more settled everyday, which is funny because I am a) not medicated anymore and b) out of therapy. It feels so much more natural though, and I just do therapy by yoga, cleaning (maybe I know I'll be stressed tomorrow morning and that's why I don't feel like cleaning), reading, writing, and sharing oxytocin (the "cuddle" hormone) with my friends. I am settling down again:-)

I keep remembering this one paper I wrote for one of my favorite teachers in eleventh grade. it was a fourteen-page paper on the cultural effects on HIV transmission- you can read a quick selection from it here on estrogenet. It was one of the first things I ever posted on my blog, so yay for it! i think the main reason why I keep bringing it up is in conversations with my Louisiana "bff", when I tell him how much I desire to be academically inclined again. Little bits and pieces are coming back, just not in the form they necessarily should be. I procrastinate on papers not because I am lazy but because a prompt like "do a research paper on something that has to do with sexuality!" makes me want to write like 453534653 papers...but which one to pick? (Incidentally, I picked talking to kids about sex, and I will make a blog-friendly cut for estrogenet soon).

I have to go write in estrogenet, incidentally, about Take Back the Night. The biggest post-Katrina turn out so far!

<3may

I want to go home.

...just getting it out there.

The Concept Of Home

Hey everyone!

I'm off to New Orleans, back to my dorm in the morning. I look forward to getting back into the swing of things.

This evacuation has really thrown off my sense of home, however. I had just started calling the dorm "home", had only lived there for two weeks, when I had to get up and travel to Dallas. I've been here a little over the week, and though I love it here and am so well taken care of by my boyfriend's family, it's not my home, I can't call it that- I'm just visiting. Fitchburg still is where I'm from, but as my parents have apparently changed all of the furniture in my room and I honestly think of my 18 years of Massachusetts as a blur now, it has lost its "home" touch in my mind. It will always be where I am from, but I won't return for several months.

Since I am in a transient state with no clear point of "home", I've been in weird moods. I love spending time here- every day is a new experience, more fun. But I get homesick at nights, and my comforts are a few stuffed animals that evacuated me and my boyfriend to remind me of our times together in New Orleans. I have clothes that I picked out with my mom, and of course, the internet, which makes the world so much smaller. I am doing fine.

I can't wait to unpack my room tomorrow (again), and make Mo-503 my home- at least for a little while.

Unless Ike gets in the way? Too early to say.

Love,
May